Time
by Gainel
Summary: Sirius and Remus are at the breakfast table. First it is awkward, and then it is sad, and then it is still sad but a little hopeful. Angstfluff. Light Sirimus/RLSB, Rating for light mentions of slash.


Remus sips at his coffee, feeling slightly awkward. It is very strange to feel awkward around Sirius, and he muses that wars are not good to them. During the first war, Sirius' distrust caused him to keep Remus in the dark about the switching of the secret keeper, among other things, and meetings between them grew steadily more awkward. It had still killed him inside to know Sirius was in Azkaban, suffering. He had always known, somehow, Sirius would never do what he seemed to have done.

Sirius has just finished being very rude to Kreacher, and Remus is a bit annoyed. It's not Kreacher he's really against, he tells himself again, looking into his chipped mug, Its how much Kreacher reminds him of everything he hates about his family, this place... Himself. He doesn't look at Sirius because he's felt his expression soften, he wants to comfort Sirius, he knows that it's hard for him to be here.

He wants them to be comfortable with each other again, he can get up and comfort Sirius like he had when they were the best of friends or maybe more. It takes him a moment to remind himself that neither he, nor Sirius, is the same nineteen or twenty year old boy and things are different. He can't simply get up and cross the kitchen and drape himself over Sirius' shoulder and remind him, affectionately, that he's being a berk and that he's here for him and things will be okay. Even if they wont.

Suddenly Remus' mouth trembles, and he hides it by smoothing his moustache, aching for the simple almost-relationship they had been building before their entire world all went to hell. They hadn't been a couple, not really, but they were getting close... It was just that there was something about Sirius that overwhelmed him sometimes, it was passionate and spontanious and not at all what Remus was used to and it was very addicting. He missed it even during the times he suspected Sirius may have been a murderer.

"I'm sorry I ever distrusted you," Surprisingly, it isn't Remus who says it, even though it certainly was the train of thought he was following. It was Sirius, and Remus looks up at him finally, blinking.

"Mm?" is all Remus can manage, taken aback by Sirius' sudden change in tone. Five minutes ago he was all regal Black, posturing and shouting at Kreacher-He always did have a temper, now he is again a broken man. Disheveled, hunched forward in his seat, his long and tangled hair about his face and shoulders. Remus understands he is getting a glimpse of the man from Azkaban. He sounds so full of regret, and somehow hollow all at once. "Sirius.."

"No. Remus if I... If I had just been able to calm down, I would have seen that it was okay to trust you, I would have told you everything. Maybe... Maybe you would have known not to trust Peter, and James and Lily would still be alive..." He buries his face in hands, and there is a twitch of his shoulders. A part of Remus almost smiles. He still tries to act strong, not wanting to reveal all of his emotions to even his oldest friend.

"No, Sirius," Remus says softly, once more stroking his moustache to gather his thoughts, "They wouldn't. He would have gotten to you, and he would have gotten the information out of you somehow, he would have killed you, and them."

He hesitates, thinking this last bit over carefully, "Personally...I'm rather glad you're still here with me."

"You'd rather me be here, than Lily and James still be alive? For Harry to have his parents?" Sirius snaps and Remus' eyes flash, he frowns sharply and Sirius at least has the decency to look guilty. Remus knows he didn't mean that, and Sirius knows Remus didn't mean what he accused him of. Sirius does not handle stress well.

"You know that isn't what I meant. But i'm glad you're ...I'm glad we're not alone in this. I miss them every day, Sirius, and it gets harder every day. But nothing was as bad as being _completely alone_. James and Lily were dead, I thought Peter was too, You were supposedly the one who had killed them all, locked up in Azkaban. I'm sorry if it sounds a bit heartless, but i'm glad at least one of you survived with me."

"Survivals a curse, isn't it?"

"In a way"

Sirius puts his head back in his hands and sighs, long and shaky, "I'm sorry Remus, I'm so sorry." His voice is wet and hoarse, "I never meant..."

"Of course not, Sirius," Remus gets out of his chair and crosses the kitchen at last, putting a warm hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Of _course_ you never meant for this, it-"

"No, Remus." He hesitated, as if he was rethinking, knowing he will make little sense, "All of it, that too. But you, Remus. I never meant to hurt _you_. I know that... if I hadn't been such an ass, if we had been together when it happened, you wouldn't have let me go after Peter. You would have known he was Secret Keeper. I...wouldn't have left you, Moony."

There is the Sirius he knows. Selfless, right to the very core, for his friends. It isn't 'I wouldn't have gone to Azkaban', or even 'I would have been there for Harry', only 'I wouldn't have left you'.

Sirius reaches up and puts his fingers through the ones on his shoulder and squeezes Remus' hand. It is not what Remus had in mind earlier, the picture of draping himself over Sirius' shoulder, speaking against his temple, dragging his fingers through his wild hair, but it's a start.

If only they had _time_, Remus thinks as he stands behind his oldest friend, and once maybe more. If there was time, they could repair their relationship, maybe even get back to the place it was when it all went to hell. But it will take time, and they both know they don't have it.

Remus thinks for a long moment, then pulls his hand away from Sirius'. He promptly tangles it into Sirius' hair and dips his head, pressing his lips to Sirius' temple. The sudden familiarity of the action shocks them both and they both sigh quietly.

They might not have much time, but damned if they wont use what they've got.


End file.
